It. Is. Working.

My boy.

Election Day

Today is election day. I offer my commentary on the results, as yet undecided, by republishing my comment on the last provincial election. Although this election is federal, I find it applies.

The Party of Dirty Statist Pigs ('A') beat the Party of Dirty Statist Pigs ('B') in Ontario's thirty-ninth general Election.

'Twas a landslide for Dirty Statists ('A'), although we the Decent Citizens of Ontario, victims of the landslide, find that when one is to be crushed in a shower of falling muck, one finds it largely immaterial which particular brand of filth it is under which one labours.

Hence the record low turn-out. Half did not exercise their vote.

This, despite extremely heavy propaganda from the Ministry of Dirty Statist Pigs To Prop Up the Appearance of Democracy to increase interest. "Don't let others speak for you" proclaimed the propaganda in newspapers and on television.

Ordinary Ontarians can be forgiven for wondering if, perhaps, a certain portion of Ontario's populace, and truly a similar part of mankind taken as a whole, would not be better almost all of the time to keep very quiet and positively encourage others to speak for them.

Despite being a popular maxim, it is a positive stupidism to suggest that there exist no people too stupid for voting. So it is that if half of people consider themselves unfit to vote, they ought to be left to it.

Nonetheless, the leftover stupid have spoken and the Party of Statist Pigs ('A') continues their rule. We are on the road to distopia. It is no time for a change.

This Heritage of Freedom

I am a Canadian,

a free Canadian,

free to speak without fear,

free to worship God in my own way,

free to stand for what I think right,

free to oppose what I believe wrong,

free to choose those who shall govern my country.

This heritage of freedom I pledge to uphold for myself and for all mankind.

John Diefenbaker, 1960

Not that any of that silly romantic stuff makes any sense in the New Canada.

(Kathy's idea).

Distended Thanks

Today marks the quintessentially Canadian holiday of Thanksgiving. This is the day that we all wallow in gratitude to the Distended State for the great gifts of jellied cranberry sauce, gun control, condoms, and welfare.

As we savour the apple chestnut stuffing and marvel over the spiced pumpkin preserves, the old honest auntie will remark how goodness but junior is getting quite fat and isn't it the strangest thing, come away from that television, but there's a whole childhood obesity epidemic on.

The invocation completed we shall all join the refrain:

"The Government should do something about that"

And we will feel our Great Canadianness down to our bones.

Steyn, more Human Rights: What we Meant to Say

The B.C. Human Rights Tribunal has let off Mark Steyn and Maclean's. It's too bad. I would have liked to watch them explain shutting down the press.

From sources deep inside the Censorious Apparatus, I have obtained a preliminary draft of the decision. This early draft, written by a low level functionary; since fired, reveals some insight into the Mind of the Daft Censors.

It is noted by italics where this version differs from the final, published decision.

* * *

[2] the text of the Article is an excerpt from a book written by Mr. Steyn that was way too long for us to read. We might see the movie. In brief, the Article concerns Mr. Steyn’s view that Muslims, adherents of the religion of Islam, who you aren't supposed to call Mohammadans anymore, have serious global ambitions for world religious domination, which they will be assisted in achieving by demographically outnumbering, (as opposed to outnumbering, say, alphabetically. Because why just say what you mean when you could add super-smarty sounding words instead?) the populations in traditional Western cultures and, if necessary, by the use of violence. Anyway, that's what we hear it's about. We didn't check.



II DECISION
[6] Because we want to keep our jobs a little longer, the panel has concluded that the complaints must be dismissed. But since that won't play so well in the press we're going to say that the complainants have not met their burden of demonstrating that the Article breaches the Code.



For the next while, we're planning on sticking to half-retarded rednecks and penniless protestant pastors with storefront churches. We're hoping the press understands our little truce and moves past this story. Like we said, we want to keep our jobs.


III THE IMPORTANCE OF THE ISSUES IN THIS CASE
[7] This case raises issues of importance to all Canadians, including Muslim Canadians, which we point out specifically in case by "all Canadians" you took us to mean "except Muslims, who, had you heard, you aren't supposed to call Mohammadans anymore".


The issues require us to look at two important values of our democracy (and we do mean Our democracy), the Code and constitutionally protected honest-to-goodness right that we swear we didn't just make up on the spot to live in a society that is free from discrimination and the one we didn't make up and don't protect, the right to freedom of speech.



IV THE TRIBUNAL’S PROCESSES
[8] Complainants who believe that their human rights have been violated may file a complaint directly with the Tribunal. Upon receipt of a complaint, the Tribunal determines whether a complaint alleges facts that, if proven, could contravene the Code. The threshold is necessarily a low one, because if it wasn't, we'd be out of a job. You might not realize it, and we hope you don't, but there are really very few actual human rights abuses in Canada, except the ones we initiate and preside over here.

We at the Tribunal are blind to distinctions like race, religion, and ugly, unhygienic habits. As such, we've decided after this decision to pick on Jews a little in the new year, just to keep us looking balanced.

If we had any principles at all, clearly we would have decided differently, but anyhow, what with the whole Omar Kadhr thing, we're pretty sure public sympathy for Muslims isn't quite at its highest so we guess we can let this thing go without it causing us too much trouble.

We just hope the press forgets about this for a little while and gives us some time to regroup.

Again the B.B.C.:

A Muslim cleric in Saudi Arabia has called on women to wear a full veil, or niqab, that reveals only one eye.

Sheikh Muhammad al-Habadan said showing both eyes encouraged women to
use eye make-up to look seductive.

Evidently the mullah has not considered quite how seductive it might be to live in a place where the girls just won't quit winking at you.

Italy, Greece. Whatever.

Hilary is moving to Italy. I don't understand it. I know it's the cradle of western civilization, or Greece is, or whatever. The material difference between Italy and Greece mostly escapes me anyway, but Rome is Awfully Important in a way most places can't approach, and I know that. I think I would not want to live there anyway. But she seems to have her reasons.

Because I like so well how it turned out (with hookers, mocking Italians and Toronto, and a most unseemly reflection on the physical qualities of young Mediterranean women) I reproduce here an exchange from the comments. It's the last paragraph if you want to skip ahead.

Me:
Change is evil. That's why you hate it. The solution is Never To Change Any Thing.

And it's a good solution too.

Do they even have tea in Italy? And I understand the place is positively overrun with Italians. It's too awful to contemplate.

I'll never understand you, Miss White.


Hilary:
Well, Mr. Carriere, it certainly has its drawbacks. But you can get tea there, and in the time I have spent thus far, one really does not have to consort with too many Italians.

And they have the sea there. Just like I remember it from back home.

O! the sea, the sea!



Me:
Not "too many Italians" she says!

Is that like, not "too many shootings" in Parkdale? Or is it prostitutes? I never know if the singularly germane fact of Parkdale is the shooting or the hookers.

Anyway, all that gold and sweat, isn't consorting with even some Italians quite enough to put you off your biscuits?

The one thing about Italians I find so interesting is their women. Somehow, around the age of thirty-two their supple olive skin, flowing hair, and tantalizing eyes are traded in for a shapeless ankle-length black dress, matching hose, and a mustache; their lithe arms and shapely legs replaced with stumpy limbs suited mainly to stirring spaghetti and wearing sensible shoes.

Farts; Global Warming is Really Rather Marvelous: IV

The B.B.C. reports that sheep and cows fart and burp a lot.

Farts and burps contribute to methane emissions, so a study commissioned by the Australian government urges Australians to eat Kangaroo instead.

Although some researchers surmise that they just hold it until nobody is around, most zoologists accept that kangaroos, like pretty girls, simply do not fart.

All this anyway has to do with reducing global warming climate change. But it seems to me that if cows produce a deal of greenhouse gas, then wouldn't we all be doing our bit to Save the Glaciers by bringing just as many cows as we can manage to a premature, honey and garlic kind of death?

In fact, I ought to be getting me some carbon-offsets for each cow I eat, and the more cows we can breed, raise and eat, the better off the climate will be.

Isn't global warming marvelous?