Friday, May 30, 2008
"Most smokers want to quit, but access to help (is) not universally available".
Conversely, dozens of delicious brands of cigarettes are universally available. Menthol too.
Private industry always does it better.
Right thinking conservatives who vote for the Conservative Party, so called, don't really expect it to work out. We're like Lindsay Lohan checking into rehab. We do it anyway. Over and over.
It's getting so the only issue left for me is taxes.
Seeing as, one way or 'tuther, I'm going to live out my days under the jackboot of OmniRegulating, PeaceNiking, NewSpeaking, AnythingHumping, BabyKilling, SoulDestroying, ThinkStupid nannystatism, I'd at least like a few bucks left over for a six pack and a nice Pastrami with Swiss on grilled Rye.
Who needs God-given freedom when you've got a sack of Corned Beef on Kaisers? Just leave me a cold one and the Holy Rosary. I'll be okay.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
- I hear we are running out of petroleum to run our cars
- methane "contributes" to "global" "warming"
- whales must fart an awful lot of methane
Clearly somebody needs to invent a car that runs on whale oil.
Saint Louis IX was French. Granted, he's been dead for eight hundred years but I'll bet there's been somebody decent since. Look at that Lourdes thing. That's less than two hundred years ago.
And somebody voted for Sarkozy. He seems okay. I hear he's Hungarian.
Brigitte Bardot. There you go. Notwithstanding opposition to the seal hunt. Oh, and the stuff she's been saying about Muslims. We sure don't hold with that. We wouldn't even think it, even if we did. The Canadian Government says it's illegal to think and we aren't about to think anything that's not Officially Permitted.
Sophie Marceau. Now she's a bit of all right. She's not related to that Marcel weirdo, is she?
France: not just mimes, surrender, and Pepé Le Pew. No sir. France is okay in my books.
This piece runs in settlement of my own potential human rights complaint against myself. It serves to mitigate the possible perception of an editorial slant against France and the French, not admitted but expressly denied.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
I am thinking of filing a human rights complaint.
I know it's crazy to post something on a website and then sue for the pain and suffering my own post has caused me, but that is what is happening in Canada right now. If I have failed so far to communicate this point, let me be clear. This is a matter of urgency:
Employees of the Federal Government go on websites, write nasty stuff, sue over it, and shut the websites down. No Joke.
Canadian courts are acting as censors and killing a whole mess of the super-good freedoms that make us, like, not China. 'Kay?
Go to Ezra and read. Read it all. They're also censoring magazines, charities, and McDonalds restaurants. It's nuts.
I, in the meantime, am demanding a right of reply. I'm not about to let myself get away with all this French-bashing.
In exchange for dropping my human rights complaint against myself, I've agreed to let my, er, self write a response of equal size on why French people aren't so bad after all.
Watch for it.
There's hunky Fredrick Herzell gettin' tight, but that's all right,
There's happy German Fritzy there with Frenchy getting tipsy,
And even Joe the Gypsy knows it's Saturday tonight.
It's the very exciting kind of stuff that never actually happens with stuffy Canuck pols. The real reason, the commentary goes, is that he wasn't any good at, well, much, and all this is an expedient excuse to be rid of him.
The lesson, of course, is if you're not up to a job, it's best to acquire the competency or leave the task to someone else. If not, you risk being found out "a bumbling boob".
Thus, Maxime's Maxim:
Monday, May 26, 2008
"Car ton bras sait porter l'épée,
Il sait porter la croix!"
means "All the firearms destroyed or duly registered, Let's do the same with the crosses".
Quebec's motto is Je me souviens. I don't think they get the irony.
Friday, May 23, 2008
The premise of the book has it that with too many Europeans being dunderheaded, communistic, layabout, foolhardy, pantywasited pollyannas, too self-absorbed to breed or notice, Europe ought to expect some changes.
It seems reasonable enough, what with old folks tending to die.
Apparently, Europe has encouraged a lot of people to move there and fill the vacancies. While I know little personally about the people they've been bringing in, apparently some of these people object to the idea of themselves becoming dunderheaded, communistic, layabout, foolhardy, pantywasited pollyannas, prefering instead to live in some degree like they've been used to, following their own rules and customs.
Again, it sounds reasonable. I don't blame them. I should very much dislike it if my own sons turned out to be little Frenchmen. I expect reasonable people to discourage it.
That, too, seems to be the point. The replacements, by doing what people do, apparently have children while the Frenchmen who have nearly given up acting like humans, have almost no little Frenchmen of their own.
At any rate, one thing I do know about these replacements is that the drinking of alcohol is contrary to their religion. Let us only hope that the distilling and shipping to North America of alcohol is not. Otherwise, we shall be before long deprived of gin and Scotch, and reduced to Canadian whisky and tequila.
I shall have recourse to Bourbon, I suppose. Still, read the book. We might try yet to head this thing off.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
At this point I pause to remind what I believe to be a healthy proportion of my readership, to pull your minds out of the gutter. You'll not go far encouraging those impulses. I exhort you to raise your mind to higher things. You will be ennobled.
As I was saying; I was solicited.
They were raising funds and attempting to raise some of mine. They said something about alcohol and tobacco and kids. I wasn't paying close attention.
So I said, as I reached for my wallet "So then... you buy whiskey and cigarettes for under privileged kids? Well I'm not sure as I support starting them too young, but then, what really is too young, eh? I mean, I think it's nice when poor kids can have the same opportunities as the rich ones".
I looked up, holding in my hand all the money I had. They appeared as if bewildered.
"What?" I said, innocently, or meaning to sound so.
"No" began the one, "We try to keep kids off alcohol, drugs and tobacco".
I did my best to look at her as if she had a gin and tonic for a head.
"Off... tobacco? Really? You don't say. Well, then I apologize. I misunderstood. I'm afraid yours is a bit of a useless project. Because if their parents won't keep them off drugs, then my money won't do any good either. I'd much rather spend it on my own alcohol.
"But I wish you all the best of luck. Good day".
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Come gather 'round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
And accept it that soon
You'll be drenched to the bone.
If your time to you
Is worth savin'
Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Faeries are planning a jamboree to celebrate. The goblins are not invited. In related news, Santa Claus finished his rounds in record time and the unicorn population is up.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Not Medically Necessary:
"The Ministry of Health and Long-Term Care pays for a wide range of services, however, it does not pay for services that are not medically necessary."
●"Sex reassignment" surgery
How is it even possible to be this stupid?
Thursday, May 15, 2008
"If you like Piña Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.Global warming is set to stall over the next 10 years. It appears my summer house on the shores of Tuktoyaktuk will have to wait. Sipping piña coladas under the cool glow of the midnight sun, the warm waters of the Arctic ocean gently lapping at my toes, alas is not to be.
If you're not into yoga, if you have half-a-brain."
I am despondent.
I'm off to burn used motor oil
in the rainforest.
Stupid mother nature.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Is it also okay, I wonder, to believe aliens abducted the Real Pope Paul VI and replaced him with a shape shifting alien with a penchant for polyester vestments and hopeless, goofy liturgy?
"Does [the Anglican communion] belong more to the churches of the first millennium--Catholic and Orthodox-- or does it belong more to the Protestant churches of the sixteenth century?"Having had not a single valid bishop, priest, or idea for some four centuries, and considering the late Anglican acceleration to iniquity, bacchanalia, and garden variety lunacy, isn't that matter pretty much settled?
One is tempted to question His Eminence on his "identity". Does he belong to the Church or the Protestants? Alas, his pattern is nearly as established as the Anglican. There's only one thing for it:
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Honorable Robert Nicholson, Minister of Justice and Attorney General
May 13, 2008
It has been almost a month since my last letter concerning the Canadian Human Rights Racket.
While I was a tad disappointed to receive no reply, I understand how running an exponentially-growing enterprise like a Conservative government can keep a fellow busy.
I've been having a look at this thing just put out by the Department of Justice, so-called. Does it count as NewSpeak when you call fifty pages "a brief"?. Anyway we Right Thinkers know a foregone conclusion when we see one, so since you're plainly intent on ending civilization, I was just writing to ask if you could maybe see about dropping the tax on liquor.
It looks like a bumpy ride you're planning, and cheap liquor would sure help us Right Thinkers get through. Plus, when you call again next week asking for donations to the Conservative Party Fund, if we're well soused, we may actually decide to continue donating.
You may want to offer distillers a subsidy.
With every good wish, I remain,
Your humble servant looking every bit forward to the gulag,
But while I post about it, I urge you to busy yourself in the greener pastures of posts gone by.
These are the best ones:
Lipstick, Birthrates, Firearms
Transitive Verbs, Winnie the Pooh, Pseudo-intellectuals
Poo, Tobacco, and the Wisdom of Burt Bacharach (or, Nobody Likes a Chatty Damnus)
On Farts and Christian Marriage
The Index of Forbidden T.V. Shows
I note furthermore that I have been getting a steady stream of visits related to my use of the phrase "Muneeza Sheikh is one fetching bird" and "foxy".
By foxy, I mean in the sense of being enchanting, not foxy in the sense of being cunning. Not that anybody anywhere either individually or collectively is given to taking things the wrong way. No siree. And not that being foxy, in the sense of being enchanting, is important in any way to the value or worth of women who are, both in practice and in theory, in every respect, equal to men. And ugly chicks are every bit as worthy of consideration as the hot ones. Yep. Ugly chicks can be firemen or doctors or fishermen too if they want to.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Honourable Robert Nicholson, Minister of Justice and Attorney General
April 23, 2008
If you chaps in government are going to continue doing nothing about the Canadian Human Rights Commission, couldn't you at least see about changing its name?
A little honesty goes a long way. I was hoping for "Department for Censorship, Propaganda, and the General Suppression of Liberty and Thought". Jack and his NDP are almost sure to support such a motion. Think how awfully bipartisan you'll look.
With every good wish, I remain,
Your humble servant and erstwhile Conservative party supporter,
Friday, May 09, 2008
How is it, do you suppose, that all these bloggers at all these press conferences failed entirely to mention the very germane fact that Muneeza Sheikh (right) is one fetching bird?
Kathy? RightGirl? You are supposed to have an eye for these things.
Thursday, May 08, 2008
I thought the Muslim girl on the right was foxy.
I also found it interesting that these three just didn't get it. That is, I think the radical types Steyn quotes probably do get it. Certainly the "breeding like mosquitoes" Imam does.
But that would have made for a dull show:
Steyn: "What I think is blah blah. Heigh-ho.".
Norwegian Mullah Chap: "Well. Yeah".
It might still have ended with Steyn asking him to dinner, but maybe that had more to do with the doe-eyed Muslim lassies than any convention.
Anyway these three don't get it.
That was clear when Khurrum (the grumpy lad) ascribed to Steyn that "Muslims are breeding far too quickly".
If only Khurrum'd got past the prologue to the part where it says:
"Part I: The Gelded Age."
The book's about barren Europeans, not fertile Muslims. Muslims are only doing what people do, and with the usual frequency. It's the gelded Europeans who are gone wrong.
Having traded in our once-great culture for a pittance of porn and welfare, here we sit, nuts remov'ed, waiting to die.
And Khurrum thought the book was insulting to Muslims.
Because, I say, it is worrying me sick.
Isn't Global Warming Marvelous?
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
For a man to have got himself a job that pays better than his father's did, or is cleaner, or safer, or easier is a fine thing. But it is a mistake to act as if a large salary comes with an hereditary title.
Middle Classiness is a part of the silly modern scheme where we all make-believe that what is obviously not equal, is. Admittedly, distinctions have blurred since the advent of Chinese-made Swedish furniture.
Still and all Middle Classiness leads to enormous dissatisfaction for a lot of people who can't help getting the impression that they should always do just a little bit better.
Every morning in the shower I bang my head, quite by accident, against a shelf that extends over the surface of my bathtub. I am thus reminded that I am a humble man without even a proper sized shower. I remember that before I had an improper sort of shower, I had no shower at all. God is good, I think, and I am grateful for what I have.
Missus Carriere recommends that I remove the shelf.
I believe this would be a dangerous method to engage.
Consider perhaps, I could remove the shelf. And I might say, "Carriere, you are a crafty fellow and have improved your situation". But then I might think that I would like a better car. I might, perhaps, get one. After all there is nothing the matter with a better car, so if a better car is what I really wanted, I might.
Then I might say to myself, "Carriere, so much overflowing with resources and talents are you, there is nothing you want that you might not get".
And I might look next at my house, and so the rest, until I were a slave to earthly things and ever dissatisfied. Worst, perhaps I might conceive the idea that I could have a better wife, contrive to, and find myself like wretched a French politician, which may be redundant. I don't know. If it is not redundant it is at least horrifying in theory and, I'm sure, quite distasteful in practice, and nobody wants that.
Let us save ourselves the anguish and damnation. I much prefer the satisfying crack of my head against a shelf each morning.
Monday, May 05, 2008
Imagine the carbon I'll save.
That's really two. Isn't Global Warming Marvelous?
Friday, May 02, 2008
Dalton McGuinty, Early April, on why not to over-regulate:
"If you're going to rely on the law to ensure that your kids aren't drinking underage, then you don't have a good understanding of human nature,Dalton McGuinty, Late April, on why to over-regulate:
"While we have a law in place which I think has struck the right balance, it's also really important for parents to take a real interest in what their kids are doing, to try to impress upon them the dangers associated with drinking alcohol."
"This is a health issue. Don't we have to put health first? You ask any parents - smokers and non-smokers alike - 'Do you want your kids to start smoking?' They'll all give you the same answer, 'Of course I don't.'
"Science has demonstrated that these power walls are effective at
enticing kids so we want to get beyond that."
Somebody must have switched his songbook.
The Grasping NannyState of Ontario runs:
a) a very profitable chain of liquor stores
b) a very profitable tobacconist
c) I can't believe they run anything profitable
d) both 'a' and 'c'
UPDATE: It has been pointed out to me that His Grace is not, strictly, a heretic. Or anyway probably not. One can't be sure because he won't actually act to prove it. At any rate, charity compels us to suppose he probably isn't so much a heretic as just a nancy-boy.
Many men find discipline among the unpleasant aspects of fatherhood. Bishops seem not different. It hardly matters. Discipline is part of the job and we are witnessing the collapse of our culture owing in large part to the general failure of fathers to do the job.
Duty does not permit the possibility of opting out. In fact it may be preferable to be a mere heretic than a failure as a man and father.
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Here in Ontario, the debate continues as to the value of public funds for what they're calling faith-based education. I can't see why the secularists care for a debate. Thing is, the "Catholic" "Education" system is every bit as good as the public one for turning out illiterate heretics.
Isn't Global Warming Marvelous?
Conclusions about these facts generally point to a systemic prejudice in public schools against boys behaviour patterns and modes of learning.
I just doubt it.
I think that with high school girls now ubiquitously dressed as prostitutes, high school boys do not focus on their studies so make poor grades.
That, and public schools, like public everything else, don't work all that well.
Whatever the cause, one inevitable outcome is that in a very little while the great majority of medical doctors will be women. Considering prostate examinations, I cannot decide if I think this an improvement. Surely by then they will have stopped dressing like prostitutes.
Now a study has concluded that one in four young Canadians are overqualified for the job they are doing.
Schools, it seems, encourage students to be trained for jobs they cannot get, and discourage them from training for good paying jobs they could. Thus dissuaded from anything so lowly and menial as a skilled trade, they work in coffee houses instead.
Public Schools: Our Best Investment.