Reasonable. Funny word that.

"And in our op-eds, we made clear that what we are seeking is a reasonable
opportunity to respond"

Respond? Like, say, you might reasonably have done in those op-eds?

Rights, Eggplant

Lifesite ran this story that says the Swiss government is granting rights to animals and plants.

I think they mean "extending rights" or something like that, because, don't forget Grasshopper, and say it with me now:

The State can't grant rights because the State isn't the source of rights.

Anyway I bet those goofy Swiss'll give 'em the vote.

And that's crap, because you know eggplant and pumpkins are always going to vote liberal and pretty much all the fruits are socialists. And don't even get me started on those damn commie sprouts from Brussels.

Paper Babies

Erin posts on a weird story out of Japan. There seem to be a lot of those.

The details aren't important.

the children demonstrated behavior that was surprising from the perspective of developmental psychology. A two-year-old child would walk behind Kayo, imitating his actions. At three, children would come up beside him and snatch his dirt. Four and five year olds pretended to ignore him out of pride, but afterwards they could be seen working with determined expressions on their faces. Children could also be found sharing information about where to find the best dirt and sand for making dorodango or even sometimes keeping such information secret.

To which Erin asks:

Exactly what is "surprising" here? Are no Japanese
developmental psychologists, um, parents?

Well, with Japan's birth rate below 1.3, um, probably not. No children, and no nieces, no nephews and they probably don't meet a lot of other people's kids either.

The story is stunning in the way it drives home the reality of demographic "choices": To the Japanese, children only really exist on paper.

Sirens, Marvelous Global Warming

Latterly in a shopping mall, admittedly no place for the Catholic Gentleman wishing to preserve innocence, I was confronted by the sight of two young women who, whether habitually or only for the particular day, eschewed both skirt and trouser. These opting instead for briefest strips of fabric that could not properly be called garments.

Also party was a gent in the employ of an armoured car service.

Lured, as it were by Sirens, he obligingly ran aground his coin-laden cart on a manequin display.

Amused, and frankly relieved it was him and not me, I said "So then, I guess it's springtime."

"Almost!" He spoke his stock answer cheerily. But shortly grasping my meaning, observing his fallen cart, and casting a more subdued glance at the two young women, he muttered "Oh. Yeah. I guess it is".

Do not suppose, Dear Reader, that I have given up propriety and am telling a gratuitous story only in order that I may engage in unseemly reminiscence. Nay, not only, for though the one mini was blue and the other a soft shade of pink, I hasten with utmost decorum to my point.

One can see most plainly the shocking effects of this First Skin of Spring. Each year, as warmer weather puts to flight both winter and sufficient fabric, the deep social, spiritual, and economic cost is realized.

If only a climate of more regular warmth could be attained, say, a kind of global warming, maybe the skin-shock to the unhabituated system could be avoided.

Alas we have come off the coldest winter in four decades. But to point this out is to risk being labelled a Global Warming Denier. There is no excuse for truth.

So I, ever one to shrink from controversy, have seen the light. The Science is Settled and it's time to celebrate. No longer a denier, I am reborn an enthusiast, a Global Warming Enthusiast.

But having a devil of a time seeing trouble in global warming, I greet the future joy. In the coming days and weeks I invite you to do the same as I post On Why Global Warming is Really Rather Marvelous.

Do come 'round for it.

WASPS in the Woodpile

Said my mother-in-law today, there are WASPS in the woodpile.

Certainly not looking to entertain a human rights complaint, I was nonetheless struck by the similarity of this to another not-so-frequently-used-anymore phrase.

"In the woodpile? And here miles from a private club!

"But how can you be sure?

"Cups of tea when least you expect it? All your white clothes neatly folded and put away by labour day? Is it half-finished mint juleps just left about?"

It turned out she meant the flying insect.

Stupidisms 2: Fart Offsets, Carbon Offsets

Can the lady you sit behind who farts in Church but also wears a delightful perfume be called "aroma neutral"?

And if a mobster sends a year's supply of Rice-A-Roni to some starving African kids, can he later claim it as "Murder Offsets"?

So if, like murder, starvation and smelly farts, carbon emissions are a real problem, what sense is there in a plan to go "Carbon Neutral" by buying "offsets" for bad behaviour?

Totalitarian Piggery, Mini-skirts

Here I am, trying to have a cheery little blog about smoking tobacco, drinking strong spirits, and exposing perfectly delightful freemasonic plots to overthrow the natural order, when along come a lot of filthy communists to mess things up.

I had planned these weeks for a nice round of posts on Global Warming, the Trouble With Middle-Classiness, Tea, and a little biting commentary on girls in mini-skirts and, perchance, high heels.

Imagine my dismay when, under the soft totalitarianism gripping my dear beleaguered Canada, I have felt compelled instead to write posts on what are being called, incredibly, "human rights commissions".

If you haven't been paying attention, well, Google.

At any rate, it annoys me. I had been looking rather forward to the mini-skirts.

So I have written to the Prime Minister requesting at least that the Canadian Human Rights Commission be renamed the Department for Censorship, Propaganda, and the General Supression of Liberty and Thought.

It isn't the totalitarian piggery I mind nearly so much as the Orwellian totalitarian piggery.

Earth Day

Today is Earth Day. The Enviropagan Loonies say so.

I recently purchased a push-powered reel lawn mower. I bought it because I am cheap. Then, however, overcome as I was with worry about potentially reducing the size of my Carbon Footprint, I cut down all the trees in my yard and burned them.

The wood was still wet, so I had to use gasoline.

Happy Earth Day.

Dear China,

We sure appreciate the whole Tibet thing. What a diversion! You wouldn't believe it though, lately, we snatch away a little property rights, freedom of conscience, religion, association, and the press, and things get hairy.

We thought we owned the press, but even the Toronto Star is writing against us. And that Rex Murphy? You'd think a decent haircut was a Human Right.

Anyway, we were thinking, if you had a few spare spare students to toss under some tanks again, we'd be grateful. It would really take the heat off us.

Not to worry. We won't rule against you. We'll say it's, like, cultural. It hasn't really got to make sense. The whole thing's rigged anyway.

With every good wish We remain,
Extortingly and intimidatingly yours,

Your Comrades in Canada's Human Rights Racket.

100 & 10,000

Not so proud to suppose myself quite yet a formal Enemy of the State, I did note with interest that my post on Paper, Scissors, Human Rights today gained me readers from Social Development Canada, Alberta Justice, and the CBC in Ottawa. Not, I think, regular readers.

Government workers have hours and hours at work to blow surfing the internet, I understand.

Still.

* * *
Also, it's up here to one hundred posts and ten thousand pageloads now. I've played with the layout over the last week and added labels and things. I've also changed the template so posts are over on the right now. I think more writing ought to be on the right. That's still legal in Canada, for now.

Paper, Scissors, Human Rights

April 15, 2007
OTTAWA -- "We don't like it when people say we're unfair. I mean, would you like it? It really hurts our feelings" the Canadian Human Rights Commission said in a statement today.

In a move apparently intended to address criticisms of corruption, predetermined or arbitrary decisions, and really, really dumb thinking, the CHRC announced plans to apply a fairer, somewhat-just process.


"Just to prove how super-impartial and unarbitrary we really are, complaints will be settled from now on with a game of Paper, Scissors, Rock."


Under the new rules, if the Complainant is unsatisfied with the first round of play, he will be allowed to call out "Best of Three!" requiring two additional rounds.


"If, after three rounds, the Complainant remains unsatisfied, he can call "Best of Five!", and so forth, until the guilty party is found to be so".

The CHRC "hopes this move toward transparency and fairness will muzzle all opposition".

Yes Miss

Considering all the CHRC foolishness, does anybody else find it funny that the top of Canada's domestic political heap is a Governess General?

The Clap Redux

"Avoid the Clap. Jimmy Dugan"

A reader has taken exception to my post on Alfalfa and the Clap.

Hugh writes:

"Negativity and Positivity, love and hate, go together. As someone intelligent wrote, we cannot love the good unless we hate the evil that is opposed to it."

I am not sure. Evil may need good, but good exists quite nicely all on its own. God certainly doesn't need the Devil in order to prove He's good any more than Catholicism needs Calvinism or Pastrami needs Spam.

Thus, should a woman query her husband why he loves her, he might try to answer (at least where I come from) without making any mention whatever of the Clap.

Because though one of the things he loves about his wife may very well be that she has not given him the Clap, one hopes there are reasons which strike a man as Somewhat More Relevant.

Hugh is correct, strictly. I suppose we all ought to hate the Clap. Only, it's a little troubling that he get to the point of realizing it. That was, after all, the point of the post.

But by all means, get thee a wife without the Clap, and if you haven't read the first post, now might be a good time.

Positive Living, Alfalfa, The Clap

In a foreword written some years after his book was first published, Aldous Huxley discusses what he would write if he were to rewrite Brave New World with the benefit of years and of hindsight.

I would offer the Savage a third alternative. Between the utopian and the primitive horns of his dilemma would lie the possibility of sanity

It is this possibility of sanity that interests me.
Like the Savage, so many of the good people I meet are living their lives in reaction to the distopia we are now presented.

"There's nothing on TV but porn and violence. we got rid of our TV and little
Billy's not allowed to visit friends who have one."

"Have you seen what the girls are wearing to school? If it weren't for all the stabbings and shootings to distract him, I just don't know how Little Billy could ever keep his thoughts pure. We're just going to have to homeschool."

"Supermarket food is full of hormones and pesticides. We eat only ancient whole grains and free range chicken fed on organic alfalfa grass."

Stabbings, shootings, pornography and pesticides truly are things best avoided, but has it really come to this? Is there no positive living left? Are decisions now made not to obtain the good but only to dodge the bad?

Could we not homeschool to promote family unity, an integrated perspective of the world and human work and, perchance, academic excellence?

Could not the television go unused because there are walks to take, cards or parlour games to enjoy, and bourbon over which to giggle?

Living in careful reaction to the world is still to be mired in it. We are under siege, to be sure, but there is simply no cause to act like it.

Or if all this is gone, how much longer can it be before we marry, not for the overflowing goodness of Holy Matrimony, but only because those darn hookers will give you the clap?


Update: Clap Redux

Fatsos, Liberals, and Thugs

Lest optimism overcome you, Dear Reader, upon reading my most recent entry alas the NannyStatism has resumed. We are not only being lead by liberals. We're being lead by the stupidest ones they could find.

Don't think for yourself. The State has matters in hand.

Toronto's Lord Mayor David Miller, as commie as you like, today renewed his effort to see handguns banned.

One need only observe our prisons to know the quality of this solid liberal plan.

Erstwhile murderous thugs, once deprived of firearms, quickly busy themselves with flower arranging and peaceable handicrafts, like cross-stitch and decorative shank-making.

With a similar bit of NonThink, to combat Ontario's problem of too many fat kids, the provincial N.D.P. party is calling for a ban on television advertising of food products to children.

See, when your kids sit in front of the T.V. for hours on end eating the snacks you buy them, they see a lot of commercials for food. That's what's making them fat.

Spouting irony like you just can't make up, the bill's sponsor, Rosario Marchese, hastens to point out that it's "very difficult for (children) to make intellectual distinctions".

...And get me a G&T, would you, Son?

Concerning the proposal to raise Ontario's legal drinking age, Ontario Premier, Dunderhead, and All 'Round Bad Catholic Dalton McGuinty had a momentary lapse today into something resembling a worthwhile thought:

If you're going to rely on the law to ensure that your kids aren't drinking underage, and then you don't have a good understanding of human nature

It was almost like he thought for a second that families, common sense, or personal responsibility might have some small role to play in the People's Republic of Canada.

Not to worry. The regular program of Endless Regulation and NannyStatism is scheduled to resume tomorrow.

"Will be prohibited". So, like, hurry up and order, Junior.