Friday, October 10, 2008

Steyn, more Human Rights: What we Meant to Say

The B.C. Human Rights Tribunal has let off Mark Steyn and Maclean's. It's too bad. I would have liked to watch them explain shutting down the press.

From sources deep inside the Censorious Apparatus, I have obtained a preliminary draft of the decision. This early draft, written by a low level functionary; since fired, reveals some insight into the Mind of the Daft Censors.

It is noted by italics where this version differs from the final, published decision.

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[2] the text of the Article is an excerpt from a book written by Mr. Steyn that was way too long for us to read. We might see the movie. In brief, the Article concerns Mr. Steyn’s view that Muslims, adherents of the religion of Islam, who you aren't supposed to call Mohammadans anymore, have serious global ambitions for world religious domination, which they will be assisted in achieving by demographically outnumbering, (as opposed to outnumbering, say, alphabetically. Because why just say what you mean when you could add super-smarty sounding words instead?) the populations in traditional Western cultures and, if necessary, by the use of violence. Anyway, that's what we hear it's about. We didn't check.

[6] Because we want to keep our jobs a little longer, the panel has concluded that the complaints must be dismissed. But since that won't play so well in the press we're going to say that the complainants have not met their burden of demonstrating that the Article breaches the Code.

For the next while, we're planning on sticking to half-retarded rednecks and penniless protestant pastors with storefront churches. We're hoping the press understands our little truce and moves past this story. Like we said, we want to keep our jobs.

[7] This case raises issues of importance to all Canadians, including Muslim Canadians, which we point out specifically in case by "all Canadians" you took us to mean "except Muslims, who, had you heard, you aren't supposed to call Mohammadans anymore".

The issues require us to look at two important values of our democracy (and we do mean Our democracy), the Code and constitutionally protected honest-to-goodness right that we swear we didn't just make up on the spot to live in a society that is free from discrimination and the one we didn't make up and don't protect, the right to freedom of speech.

[8] Complainants who believe that their human rights have been violated may file a complaint directly with the Tribunal. Upon receipt of a complaint, the Tribunal determines whether a complaint alleges facts that, if proven, could contravene the Code. The threshold is necessarily a low one, because if it wasn't, we'd be out of a job. You might not realize it, and we hope you don't, but there are really very few actual human rights abuses in Canada, except the ones we initiate and preside over here.

We at the Tribunal are blind to distinctions like race, religion, and ugly, unhygienic habits. As such, we've decided after this decision to pick on Jews a little in the new year, just to keep us looking balanced.

If we had any principles at all, clearly we would have decided differently, but anyhow, what with the whole Omar Kadhr thing, we're pretty sure public sympathy for Muslims isn't quite at its highest so we guess we can let this thing go without it causing us too much trouble.

We just hope the press forgets about this for a little while and gives us some time to regroup.

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