Friday, June 13, 2008

Pro Wrestling, Koffi Annan, Fatherhood

This week, for some reason, people keep saying to me "What's new and exciting?" when what they really mean is "Good afternoon. How are you?"

After the fifth or sixth one, I preferred not to restrain myself.

I said:

Let alone what is both, I am in no position to tell you either what is new or what is exciting.

Do I seem to you as if some kind of chichi neoteric? As if I am up (or is it down?) with what these days engages the hip kids?

In fact, Madam, I have no more interest in the new and exciting than I have in Koffi Annan's views on professional wrestling or the size of Yoko Ono's brassiere.

I find, and I'm sure you'll agree, it is a most distasteful man who attempts to extend unnaturally that period of his life concerned with what's new and exciting; ridiculous little men with their moustaches and flared trousers going out on a Friday night for fits of caprice and disco dancing.

Horrible.

Nay, I am somebodies' father. I am here for Stability and I am here for Order. I am not here for novelty and I am most certainly not here for excitement.

5 comments:

Hilary Jane Margaret White said...

Now, I'm morally certain you did NOT say that.

It would have given great offense to the lady you claim to have been addressing, who was, after all, only employing what passes for friendly manners in our times and to answer in such a way would have been the equivalent of kicking a beggar. A thing I am convinced you are too charitable to do.

J D Carriere said...

The first and last paragraphs are verbatim. The second is close. Yoko and Koffi might be a bit of hyperbole here for effect. The whole matter was jocular and she agreed wholeheartedly to the bit about the distasteful men.

J D Carriere said...

...and stop spoiling my fun!

Hilary Jane Margaret White said...

You're mean. No wonder nobody likes you.

Anonymous said...

That's how I feel, as a mother and a nurse; my life is about Responsibility and What Must Be Done. However, as someone who was a teenager in the seventies, I love men with mustaches and flared pants, and Ilove disco. They remind me of when life WAS more fun.