Thursday, June 19, 2008

Newfangled People Spoil Everything

It has come to my attention that there exists an organization of bitter old hags called Planned Parenthood.

I can hardly imagine a concept so unpleasant as planning parenthood.

The movement from chore to delight must only ever be one way. That is, we may encourage a chore to become a delight, but must never allow a delight to degenerate into a chore. And yet, what but a chore could it be to impregnate one of these Wretched Suffragettes? But lest we spoil drinking or sex, we should no more plan parenthood than set out to drink a hogshead of ale.

They also advocate fornication. For though the Suffragette may find a weak and desperate man on occasion, she will not find one willing to have her longer.

So it is, Good Reader, that in the interests of planning parenthood and spoiling what might otherwise be a very nice time, the Newfangled People have had to accept the most shocking of behaviours.

Apparently it is all in vogue for the modern fellow, and you will simply not believe this is true, to place his issue into a small rubber bag. Why he wants it there is difficult to say. It's very odd.

Perhaps he means to carry it home with him. He will not entrust it to her, that much is clear. The Suffragette has taken his stones but she will not have their contents.

Newfangled people spoil everything.

3 comments: said...

Thanks for your articles.

Anonymous said...

You are brilliant.

James said...

This post is very funny. well done, JD. Well put.