April 15, 2007
OTTAWA -- "We don't like it when people say we're unfair. I mean, would you like it? It really hurts our feelings" the Canadian Human Rights Commission said in a statement today.
In a move apparently intended to address criticisms of corruption, predetermined or arbitrary decisions, and really, really dumb thinking, the CHRC announced plans to apply a fairer, somewhat-just process.
"Just to prove how super-impartial and unarbitrary we really are, complaints will be settled from now on with a game of Paper, Scissors, Rock."
Under the new rules, if the Complainant is unsatisfied with the first round of play, he will be allowed to call out "Best of Three!" requiring two additional rounds.
"If, after three rounds, the Complainant remains unsatisfied, he can call "Best of Five!", and so forth, until the guilty party is found to be so".
The CHRC "hopes this move toward transparency and fairness will muzzle all opposition".