With a fine demonstration of stupid people messing up the language, last Thursday was World No Tobacco Day, so decreed by the savages at the World Health Organization.
Even though to me it seemed unrealistic to hope for no more tobacco after only one day, I was willing to try. I am a chap who likes to get along and here, at last, was a proposal of the United Nations I could really support. I didn’t see what it had to do with health, mind you, but I figured we could always grow more.
So it was that early on Thursday I set about and alight doing my bit to guarantee there would be No Tobacco left by nightfall.
I have not yet heard the official report but I fear the project was a failure, for at the end of that day I still had slightly more than No Tobacco. I hope I wasn’t the only one.
Despite the considerable effort made by smokers everywhere, you will understand that to consume all the tobacco in the world during a single day is rather a big job. Indeed, I confess, although I did manage to finish all the tobacco I had, I began to fret we were falling behind, and me not wanting to fail an Organization so momentous as the one for World Health, I ran out and bought more. I did what I could, but at nine hours and forty-three minutes of consecutive puffing, by five that afternoon, I could simply smoke no more.
I do hope they’ll be holding a World No Pastrami On Rye Day.