Monday, June 19, 2006

The Index of Forbidden T.V. Shows

With the same implication as that tired maxim, "You can't turn back the clock", the worst of the Newfangled People are apt, from time to time, to point out the plain fact that "this isn't Leave it to Beaver, you know?".

To which I say, a very good thing it isn't. May the Saints preserve us from that foul archetype! For you see, my unsuspecting reader, Wally and the Beav were nothing but operatives in a wildly successful International Freemasonic Plot backed by Communists, financed by Illuminati, and designed to subvert the American Family.

Consider it: the lessons Beav and Wally learned from their wise old dad always depended on purely natural consequences and especially on getting caught in the first place.

It's not that I mind natural consequences, but where is the concept of right and wrong? Where is God's law?

Why didn't Ward's wisdom ever include a tidbit like this?

"You know boys, that Eddie Haskell is a wretched sinner and if you keep running with miscreants like him you'll end up suffering in hell for all eternity. You don't want to suffer in hell for all eternity, now do you boys?"

"Gosh Dad, no way."
The Cleavers never went to Church. They never even mentioned God.

And neither has every story got to be about good Catholics, but the Cleavers were presented as the perfect family at a time when Americans were naively gobbling down the lie of the American Dream.

Accursed heretics are one thing, but the Cleavers weren't even. They were a perfect little godless, contracepting family. They were a filthy damnable lie, however pleasant; and that's the worst kind.

Oh sure, the Cleavers always sat down together to dinner. Oh sure, June always wore dresses. Sure the boys were always polite and called people mister and missus. Sure. A clever disguise for their secular atheist-communist conspiracy.

Ward, June, Wally and the Beav were there to give that first freemasonic push from the top of the slippery slope to perdition.

You can take it from me. I'm telling you.


Anonymous said...

Actually, I do recall an episode where they were either on their way, or returning, from what they did refer to as "church." Of course, it was just a gratuitous plug to suck good Christians in deeper.

Iosephus said...

I love it! Great post